Monday, June 16, 2008

Items pulled from the mud of the Ohio River around Cincinnati last night:

19 Boston Red Sox jerseys (8 of them blood-stained)
567 Boston Red Sox caps (94 of them blood-stained)
4 Boston Red Sox fans (none of them sober)
13 Hairs from Kevin Youkilis’s chin
22,456 Great American Ballpark plastic beer cups
32 Dropkick Murphy’s CDs
188 Credit cods, maxed out
6 Transients, world weary
0 Gigantic Catfish

Ladies and gentlemen, your captain has returned. Stand behind me and together we shall right these failures and indecencies.

No comments: