This weekend marks significant events in the Greater Cincinnati area:
It is Maifest in Covington’s MainStrasse Village. Germans, German-Americans and hate-filled wannabes alike will descend on the Dirty Cov to get wildly intoxicated for next to no reason. As this vaudevillian enchantment will occur so close to the river, rest (or black out) assured that the catfish will be listening intently. Bums, transients and town drunks will be cashing in their last ticket by the gypsy cart load. The number of bodies sinking to the river’s floor will be far greater, the meat fouler. A fine feast indeed for our prized gigantic catfish.
The Cleveland Indians are in town to play the Reds. With them will come their deplorable fans. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. Conflicts with noble Reds fans will surely increase the body count to nearly unimaginable levels. The greasy fallen in blood-soaked Grady Sizemore jerseys will mingle with Maifest’s surrendered en route to the catfish’s belly.
Will the catfish get frisky in light of these events? Will it grow larger yet with the swarthy banquet? Will it uncontrollably eat itself to the brink of extinction? Will Niko Percic cross swords with a bearded Estonian diplomat named Vladimir over what they believe to be the St. Pauli Girl?
Only time will tell…
No comments:
Post a Comment