Ha! Please...

http://news.cincinnati.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/AB/20090107/NEWS01/901070389/

Once again the elitist local media is trying to brainwash the idle masses into believing that the natural world is less extreme than our reality. I know what they think they're reporting. To me it's just a distraction. A frightened desk jockey's game, so young city fellas can wear a suit and a tie, and have a job. What do they really want to know? Are we still out there, searching the river for the truth? There's not a day goes by I don't think about the seabeast. Not because I'm in Cincinnati, or because people think I should. I think about the giant catfish and its mystical although as-to-yet unseen presence. I want to talk to it. I want to try and welcome it to our society, convince it to stop eating humans, tell it the way things are. But so far I can't. The monster stays hidden in the murky depths of the river and I'm just a man breathing air and walking on the ground. I got to live with that. 35 pounds? That's just a bullshit piece of bait. So you go on and write your stories, you two-bit rag, and stop wasting my time. Because to tell you the truth, I don't give a shit.