April Marches On...

Does anyone else feel like this whole month was just one big April Fool's joke that's over way too fast?

Mind the Chirping

As you may know, this summer marks the return of the Brood XIV cicadas to the Ohio River Valley. http://news.cincinnati.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2008804280320

The highest concentration of the bugs will be east of downtown, and there will certainly be a significant effect on the gigantic catfish population in that vicinity. The cicadas are of course a tasty treat, and the overall interaction of the local food chain will be turned upside down by their presence. Medium sized fish will be swarming to the surface of the river to feed on water-skimming and dead floating cicadas. As they do so, they will be actively evading the riverbed habitat of the 30-foot catfish. Meanwhile, the cicadas will become a temporary mainstay of the homeless diet, allowing them no need to fish the Ohio in the summertime heat. With less homeless fishing the banks, less dead homeless will sink to the river floor. The combination of these factors, along with the warm climate, make it likely that the lazy gigantic catfish will lay dormant throughout much of this summer. They will be unlikely to attack, swim freely, or leave the murky depths of the river bottom.

At the same time, these elements will make it much easier for us to potentially sneak up on the mythical creatures within their environs without facing a high risk of attack. This fact, amidst the aforementioned summertime heat, provides the perfect conditions for expeditions!

Details of Summer 2008 Catfish Hunting Expeditions are hereby forthcoming... Our staff is currently compiling a list of equipment and supplies that will be required before voyages can be planned in detail.

Happy Earth Day!

Let's take a moment aside from our quest to step back and simply bask in the beauty of our planet and the mysteries still lying therein. Infinite treasures are all around us and yet to be uncovered. It is in this spirit of universal appreciation that we beckon the 30-foot catfish to emerge and join us...

"Mist in the grass and sleep with the spirits
Release the pain, it won't do you any good
Suck in the pollen and breathe with the raccoons
Don't hide from your own secrets
You're made of river driftwood
So pull in all your anchors
They're waiting for you downstream
We're waiting for you downstream."

-Craig Minowa

We Salute the Sacrifices of our Contributors

http://news.nky.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/AB/20080421/NEWS0103/304210032

This gentleman has set a sterling example by risking life, limb and criminal record to exploit the Harang-stimulated circumstances after the Reds game yesterday. He was no doubt using this wager as a cover to explore the river for signs of 30-foot catfish while conditions were right for them to attack. By joining the growth charts in the water he too put his own body on the line in the quest for the truth, attempting to see the unseen and explain untold mysteries. We salute you, sir. This website would hereby like to offer to match the $3 bond contribution offered by the hero's friends.

Cajun Catfish Festival

http://www.conroecajuncatfishfestival.com/

I know this may be neither here nor there as far as the Ohio goes, but festival dates have been released with information at the website above if anyone's interested. Some acquaintances of mine went 2 years ago and spoke highly of it.

Harang Provides Stimulus

Another golden opportunity has presented itself to our quest. This afternoon is Aaron Harang Growth Chart Day at the Reds game. The team has handed out 10,000 growth charts with which children and small fish can measure their height/length against the 6'7" pitcher. It is to be assumed that dozens of these charts will be discarded into the Ohio River after the game. As the charts drift toward the river's bed, bottom-feeding catfish will be provided with a stimulus. Since the posters are nearly 7 feet long and resemble a transient human, it can be reasoned that our monster will be prone to attack and eat many of the growth charts. If anyone will be on the river this afternoon or evening, keep your eyes peeled for a rare chance to see the beast in action!

Opportunity Knocks (or Shakes)

This morning's earthquake could have provided the perfect opportunity to gain information on the gigantic catfish we seek. The tremors could be felt all throughout the Ohio River valley - the deeper underwater within the riverbed, the closer to the seismic source and the greater the vibrations. Surely this shockwave stirred the beasts in some manner. In fact, for a few minutes during and just after the quake the catfish were probably likely to attack. Was anyone out on the river just before dawn this morning? Did anyone see, hear or feel anything beyond the realm of the geological? I fear for the mortal souls of anyone in possession of relevant knowledge that is no longer able to reply to this, trapped within the belly of our monster.

1973. Summer. Late August. Humid. Real sticky like. Gnats eatin ya, mosquitoes eatin gnats while they're eatin ya, bats eatin mosquitoes, alligator gar leapin outta the river eatin bats, 8 feet high in the dark night air. Crew and I driftin down the Ohio in me trusty vessel Magic Swirlin. 8, 9 knots southwest of Ludlow, driftin further into the darkness. Of a sudden we feel the ship start to quiver a bit, then rumble, then shake. All the men hangin onto whatever’s nearby. A primordial growl. A rumble from the deep, as if the gates to Hell are openin up 60 feet below on the other side of the puddle and the whole river’s just a big whirlpool feedin us downward beyond the reach of salvation. The fear of doom, the acceptance of tragedy. As suddenly as it had started, it was over. Ship was still. Air was still. Water was still. Night was still. I’ll never forget hearin me mate Javy’s voice piercin through the stillness. “Where’s Jimmy?”

Thanks for the heads-up Bedaggered. To be blunt I'd like to run you off this website right now and never hear such a nugget of cautionary shank again. But unfortunately I think I like the cut of your jib...

Would you care to elaborate, though? From the tone of your warning I can tell that you know of what you speak. And from your willingness to contribute to this website I know that there is a river passion burning yet within you, a love of mystery and a belief in the conquest of the will of man over even the most supernatural curiosities within the world around us. Basically, I think we can use you.

Ay. I know the Ohio. That muddy whore and I go back close to three score. If it be information ye want I've got plenty of it to show. But if it be fame and fortune ye seek take a word of advice and be mindful of what ye wish for. And if it be the 30-foot catfish ye seek... well then ye'd best bite your tongue son. Such a seabeast birthed from deep within the bowels of hell would make a pleasant encounter for no man that walks this earth.

Ohio River Blue Catfish Population Fast Facts

The Ohio Division of Wildlife recently removed the blue catfish from the state endangered species list, therefore making it legal to catch and possess.

According to Division of Wildlife fisheries biologists, joint research conducted with the Kentucky Department of Fish & Wildlife Resources concluded that blue catfish populations in the Ohio River were substantial enough to warrant down listing the blue catfish from endangered to “species of special concern".

While these developments fail to even hint at the demographics of the gigantic 30-foot catfish we seek, they allow a climate in which wildlife officials would regard the potential capture of such a fishmonster with no ill sentiment.

At one time blue catfish were common in the Ohio River, but after construction of the locks and dams their numbers were reduced significantly. What mainstream biologists and conservationists often fail to examine is the impact of gigantic catfish on the population of the more common 40-100 pound blue catfish, which often doze off in the Ohio River mud bottoms and provide an easy supper for the 30-footer.

The slight increases observed in the blue catfish populations may indicate that predatory 25+-foot catfish are slowly declining in numbers and impact, making our noble search more time-sensitive than we had originally estimated. Or perhaps it just means that more blue catfish are letting themselves be captured by humans rather than submitting to the mortifying fate of becoming river-bottom food for a mythical beast.

Giant Catfish Kin

Perhaps the best information we can learn about the mysterious 30-foot catfish of the Ohio River comes from its primordial last of kin, the upriver Monongahela River catfish. While these catfish are smaller and much more agile than our subject, it stands to believe that it is from their lineage that the Ohio River catfish evolved. Imagine with me if you will, many epochs ago, perhaps when dinosaurs were still roaming the Earth, when a subsect of the Monongahela catfish population began expanding in size and menace to the extent that they were forced to break off from their kind and pursue deeper bottoms and wider channels downstream in the Ohio. As the more athletic of the blue catfish forged on to the warmer climes of the Mississippi River delta, the largest and most disgusting surely settled right around Cincinnati, in the murkiest nooks, where a sedentary lifestyle and foul diet allowed them to grow larger still as millions of years passed and they remained undetected, swelling to unfathomable proportions, fading from legend to myth...

But humanity has still witnessed subtle ties to the creatures, occasionally having chance to glimpse a peak inside the world of the gigantic Ohio River catfish through the irregular surfacing of their Monongahela ancestors:

In the late 1880s there was an attack near Morgantown. A coal miner and his wife - with their baby daughter - were fishing near the old bridge across to Westover and a train went by (the coal train from the Fairmont Field upriver headed for Pittsburgh). The pair turned to wave at the engineer, when they heard a piercing squeal. They turned back toward the river to see their baby, who had been wading in the river, go down screaming, pulled away into the river by some force beneath the surface. The father acted quickly and fearlessly and jumped into the river and grabbed the child by the tips of her little fingers just as she was about to disappear into the depths. He saved the child and reported that he had seen a fish on the other end of his gurgling daughter and identified it as a great catfish because the "whiskers" around its massive jaws were visible.

Even in those relatively calm and shallow West Virginia waters the pigmy kin of our subject often reach well in excess of 10 feet and 100 pounds. One of 157 pounds was caught in 1936 near Uffington, upriver from Morgantown, the year of the famous St. Patrick's Day flood. It is true, according to fishermen on the river, that the big cats are often seen coming to the surface, agitated, it seems, by vibrations from passing trains (which shake the banks frequently today as in decades past). This vibration goes into the water and alerts the catfish to the potential presence of locomotive hobos and boxcar children.

Know Thy Subject

Although we are not certain that the elusive 30-foot catfish we seek is of the species Ictalurus furcatus, the so-called blue catfish is definitely a leading candidate to reach excessive size and prehistoric majesty while remaining unseen, unheard and unfelt for many eons in the savage murky depths of the Ohio River basin near Cincinnati.

The blue catfish, Ictalurus furcatus, is one of the largest species of North American catfish. Blue catfish are distributed primarily in the Mississippi River drainage including the Missouri, Ohio, Tennessee, and Arkansas rivers. The current angling world record is 124 pounds and was caught by Tim Pruitt on May 22, 2005, in the Mississippi River.

Blue catfish are opportunistic predators and will eat any species of fish they can catch, along with crayfish, freshwater mussels, frogs, and other readily available aquatic food sources (some blue catfish have reportedly attacked scuba divers). Catching their prey becomes all the more easy if it is already wounded or dead, making the homeless population of particular appeal.

Due to their opportunistic nature, blue catfish will usually take advantage of readily accessible food in a variety of situations, which from the angler's perspective makes cutbaits, deadbaits, and even stinkbaits an excellent choice to target these fish. Blue cats will also respond well to livebaits, with live river homeless and bum usually a top choice followed by large vagrants, hobos, tramps, and riffraff. Blue catfish tend to favor deeper water in larger rivers and reservoirs, but will make sluggish feeding and spawning forays into relatively shallow water. These expeditions, sometimes covering dozens of nautical meters, can take up to five years. On average Ohio River blue catfish live between 190 and 235 years, although some have been known to live many centuries longer.

Have You Had an Encounter with a Gigantic Ohio River Catfish around Cincinnati?

Tell us your story! Even if no one else believes you, we will. We are specifically interested in the size of the freakish Cincinnati catfish you've encountered. All approximations of length and weight will be assumed factual. Any catfish over 25 feet in length is highly noteworthy. Other details to consider include color, smell, shape, deformities, smile and ferocity.

We also have reason to believe that these beasts (while sluggish, bottom dwelling, lazy and relatively immobile) are prone to occasionally attack humans in search of valuable nutrients not available in their usual Ohio River din. If you have survived such an attack this website is the forum to tell the world your tale!