Lopez Resurfaces

Felipe Lopez, rumored to have been eaten earlier this week, played a mediocre second base and went 0-4 from the plate in last night's loss to the Diamondbacks in Washington. Reminiscent of thieving Bear Stearns hedge fund manager Sam Israel, who faked his own death on the Bear Mountain Bridge only to later surrender and face his demise, Lopez appears to be alive after all. His alleged river assailant remains "at large."